Archive | June, 2009

A Poem

29 Jun

I’m not one for poetry, I just don’t get it. But my Mama gave me this little poem that says it all, enjoy!!

I Shall Paint My Nails Red

 Because a bit of colour is a public service

 Because I am proud of my hands

 Because it will remind me I’m a woman

 Because I will look like a survivor

 Because I can admire them in traffic jams

 Because my daughter will say urgh

 Because my lover will be surprised

 Because it is quicker than dyeing my hair

 Because it is a ten-minute moratorium

 Because it is reversible.

Carole Satyamurti

Boys do Boring Nails

29 Jun
I got my nails did by a boy today. 
Bless his heart for trying, but they are the most boring nails I’ve ever had (nice hand massage though!).
Here is his creation:

I couldn’t leave the house like that, so I added to his ‘work of art’…

Here’s my creation:

Never get a boy to do a girl’s job.

Pink Mace Gun

29 Jun

Even though Mace is illegal over here I still carry it around, fuckers are crazy sometimes! Mace’s Security Super Store has launched this pepper spray gun, that comes in various colours (clearly Pink is the best) and is re-usable. 

How can something this pretty be against the law?

Burger King loves Sex

26 Jun

Sex sells. Fact.
Burger King’s new advert for the “Super Seven Incher” works it. The small prints includes such lines as ‘Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame grilled”, and ‘Piping hot beef laden with creamy Mayo.’
As a woman I guess I should find this shocking and offensive, but instead it makes me want to find the nearest Seven Incher to take home and taste his creamy Mayo.

Dead Jewellery

26 Jun

My grandma died years ago. I miss her a lot because she was the shit. I keep little things that used to be hers just so I can remember her. However, there is no way in hell I would have design student Anna Schwamborn make jewelery out of my dead Grandmama’s hair. As original as this is, it’s fucked up.

Who gives a fuck About Twilight?

26 Jun

I’ve never read the book, I’ve never seen the film. I don’t know the name of that main boy who everyone loves, and I really don’t like vampires. But I am a girl, which means I love Barbie and Make-Up. So these new Twilight products are getting me excited.

Make-Up company DuWop have come out with a cosmetics range inspired by the film, with the first thing being released is a Lip Venom to plump up your lips.

And now Mattel has released Barbie Dolls of the main characters… I don’t know anything about these characters, but I want them, bad.

Klingon Baby

26 Jun

My daddy loves Star Trek, therefore I love Star Trek. I was raised a Trekkie, I was forced to watch it and love it. These Klingon Baby products are part of an art show, but fuck art, when do these hit the shops?
I’ll have a kid just so I can use these…

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